Gone
by kakes
Summary: Edward and Bella were best friends, but Edward wanted more. When Bella kills herself Edward is determined to find out why, and if she had any feelings for him as well. Summary sucks, much better than it sounds.
1. Gone

**I don't know how this story's going to work out, but I think it's worth a try. So here goes it**

EPOV

"Edward, you have to tell her today." Emmett complained to the backseat. He was referring to my best friend (and secret love of my life) Bella Swan. He's been trying, to no avail, to get me to tell her that I liked her as much more than a friend.

"Emmett, you've been trying to tell me that I 'have to tell her today' for the past 3 months, and I keep telling you, I'll tell her when the time is right."

"And when will the time be right? When she's off to Dartmouth and you're off to Juilliard?" Alice piped in.

"I don't know, when I feel like the time is right." Luckily we pulled into the school before they could say anything else.

Emmett went off to look for Rosalie and Alice for Jasper. I went off to find Bella at her locker.

Rosalie and Jasper were Bella's half-sister and half-brother. Our parents are good friends, so it was almost expected that we started to like each other. Emmett and Rose started going out almost 4 years ago, Alice and Jasper a year after, so of course I've been crushing (hard) on Bella for two years.

I didn't find Bella at her locker, so I went to home room; I knew Bella would be there.

But she wasn't, Emmett and Alice sat alone and I walked over to them.

"Where are they?" I asked. They both shrugged. "Maybe they'll show up late."

They didn't. I expected them to come by lunch, they didn't. By fifth period I was really starting to worry. They had never taken so much as a sick day. Where could they all be now?

It was sixth period that I found out.

"_Edward, Alice, and Emmett Cullen please report to the guidance office immediately."_ The usually bored sounding secretary had a slight hint of emotion in her voice now.

Great what did Emmett do now?

I grabbed my things and hurried down. Emmett and Alice where already sitting on the chairs outside her office, fidgeting nervously.

"What'd you do Emmett?"

"Nothing." He said defensively "I think." He muttered

"You can come in now." A voice called. We stepped inside. The lady looked nice. She was a middle-aged woman with laugh lines on her face, brown hair, and she was maybe a little taller than Alice. I'm sure she would look warm and gentle and trustworthy when she smiled.

She was not smiling.

It was more of a frown, the kind of look someone had when they were about to do something particularly unpleasant.

"Sit down, make yourselves comfortable." We sat obediently. She sighed and began.

"Now, you are good friends with the Swans-Hales, correct?" We nodded. Oh no, something bad happened, had they moved, were they in jail? The guidance counselor sighed again. "I wish…This is the part about this job that I hate. Well Isabella…"

"Bella." I corrected automatically

"Yes, Bella. Well, Bella has decided to…" I wanted to know, so badly, but could I handle it. How bad could it be? "She's decided to end her own life." That bad. She looked at us, as if we were about to spontaneously combust. But we just sat there, shocked, frozen in place. It was Emmett who ended the silence.

"IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE?!"He boomed, so loud that kids passing by in the hallway had to cover their ears.

"I'm…I'm afraid not." The guidance counselor said, shaking her head slowly.

"WELL WHY THE HELL DIDN'T ANYONE TELL US SOONER?!"

"They were at the hospital all night and this morning, she wasn't announced dead until this afternoon."

Alice sobbed at the word dead. "Its…all…my…fault…I'm…supposed…to…be…her…best…friend…and …I…wasn't…there for her." She choked out between cries.

"Dear, you shouldn't blame yourself. Bella was unhappy with her life. It's not your fault." Alice just shook her head and cried more. I even saw Emmett tear up a little. I just continued to sit there in shock.

"You, are allowed to go home, we don't expect you to go through the rest of the day. If I were you I would go and offer her family your condolences. We will be offering grief counseling, if you need it. The rest of the school will be informed in an assembly tomorrow; the family wanted you to be the first to know." We all just nodded.

Emmett went and started the car. Alice stood next to me bawling. I still hadn't said a word.

I couldn't believe it. I had so many opportunities to tell her how I felt, and I blew them all. She would never know how I felt, and I would never know how she felt. All the opportunities, all the chances, they were gone.

She was gone.

**Short, I know, it's basically a prologue. Sorry if it was bad. Review. Tell me how I can make it better.**


	2. sorry guys

**I just want to let all of you know that I have not given up on writing. **

**I'm really sorry it's been so long since I last wrote, but I'm going through a lot right now. So please don't hate me.**

**I promise that as soon as inspiration hits me I will write, but until then just know that I have not given up. **

**Again I'm so sorry. **

**~Kakes**


	3. Chapter 3

When we went back to school the next day everything seemed almost…normal. Except for the fact that Jasper, Rose, and Bella weren't there. And one of them never would again.

Why didn't I see this coming. I mean I was with her as often as humanly possible without looking like a stalker. So why couldn't I tell she was depressed? I shook my head, as if to get rid of these troubling thoughts. It didn't work. I sighed as we walked into homeroom.

Luckily enough the bell rang as soon as we walked in. I wasn't in the mood for socializing today. On our way to our seats Angela, Bella's friend, gave us a quick wave and smile. She really was nice. I returned the wave, but couldn't force a smile. I wondered if she knew yet, probably not.

Alice, Emmet and I sat quietly in our usual seats as the teacher walked in.

Usually Mrs. Chambers was a discombobulated mess as she came in, usually late. However today she was more…subdued.

"Good morning class." She said as she put her bag down at her desk. She moved slowly to the front of the room. "I'm afraid I have some terrible news."

Great here it comes. Everyone straightened up and looked at one another in anticipation of what our teacher would say.

"One of your classmates…Isabella Swan," She continued. Alice, Emmet and I stiffened in our seats. "Has decided to end her life."

Everyone was completely silent. No one even breathed for what felt like an eternity. The first one to break the silence was Angela. She started to sob uncontrollably and the rest of the class began to whisper. I could here people say things like "What?!" and "That can't be true…Not Bella Swan" One boy from the football team raised his hand.

"Yes Adam?" Mrs. Chambers asked. I noticed that she was crying as well.

"Well, when you say ended her life you mean she killed herself right?" Oh dear god! Please tell me he wasn't serious!

"Yes…" She answered skeptically.

"Well I was wondering…how?" He asked somewhat shyly. I didn't know if I really wanted to hear the answer, and yet…I couldn't leave.

"Well according to what the principal told us she dies of asphyxiation." Adam looked at her with questioning eyes. "It means that she cut the oxygen from going into her body." She said.

"Like… hung herself?" Adam said. Mrs. Chambers nodded. I cringed. I could've thrown up, cried and passed out right there. Instead I raised my hand and asked if I could go to the bathroom.

Why Bella? What could've been so bad in your life that you decided to kill yourself? So many people loved you. I felt like I was going to be sick. I went to the nurse's office.

"Hello Mr. Cullen. How are you today?" The kindly old nurse asked. It was kind of a dumb question, how well could anyone be if they go to the nurse?

"I feel sick." I stated simply.

"Oh dear. Why don't you sit down." She said standing up. I obeyed.

She got one of those electronic thermometers and took my temperature. It took a while then finally it beeped. She looked at it. "Oh dear." She said again "You've got a fever, hun. Why don't you lay down. Do you want me to call your parents?" I nodded. She called my mom and told her I would be going home. I told her I could drive myself but my mother insisted that either Emmett or Alice would drive my Volvo home.

While I sat there waiting the nurse asked me some questions.

"So you were friends with Isabella weren't you?" I winced at the past tense but I nodded. I didn't even have the strength to correct the name.

The nurse shook her head and made a clicking noise."Such a shame. She really was a sweetheart. You'll offer my condolences to her family won't you?" I nodded again. Why won't people stop talking about it?

Once I was in the car with my mom she immediately asked me what was wrong.

"I'm not sure." I said honestly. "I just don't feel well." I tried to get off it and my mom noticed.

"Is this about Bella?" She asked softly. I didn't answer. "Maybe we should get you some counseling…" She trailed off.

"I'm fine." I said and I would be…I hoped.

I went right to my room and lay on my bed. Not sleeping. I hadn't slept since I found out. I just stared at the ceiling. I looked for images in the wood. I could only see Bella's face. I sighed. This was bad.

…

It's been three days. No sleeping, no eating, barely holding on.

Why was this so hard for me? I'd seen death before, when I was little I had seen my parents get killed in a car accident. Alice, Emmett and I were in the car too, Emmett had a concussion, Alice a broken arm and me, just a few bumps and bruises.

Carlisle was my dad's brother. Esme and him took us in without a second thought. They have been great to us. They were essentially mom and dad.

I always thought the accident was my fault, I had been crying when we got t-boned by the drunk driver in the intersection. Bella was the only one I ever told.

"Don't you ever for a second think it was your fault." She had said, her eyes moist from hearing the whole story. "That ass-hole in the other car who decided to drive drunk is to blame not you. They just don't realize what they do to people by making such a selfish decision like that."

My mother, Esme, had always said that suicide was the most selfish of all things. Funny how people have a way of contradicting themselves. When Bella killed herself, ending her own misery, she caused a chain reaction of everyone else's misery to begin.

But how could I be mad at her? Mostly I was mad at myself, maybe if she knew that someone cared about her she may not have killed herself. Maybe…maybe this was my fault too.


	4. Chapter 4

**So I know its been a while, like a really long while but I do have good excuses. Like my computer breaking and just recently getting a new one for starters. So this one's not gonna be really long or anything, as usual, but I figure I'll do something. So here goes:**

I don't know how long I slept for. It felt like minutes but based on the amount of light coming from the window it had more likely been hours. I woke up to a gentle tapping at my door.

"Come in" I managed to call. It was Alice who opened the door. Her eyes were puffy and red, her normally straight posture was distorted and hunched up and for the first time since she discovered it, she was wearing no makeup. She looked miserable, probably the same way I looked.

"Hi, I came to ask you to come out of your room. Now is a time where we all need to support each other and locking yourself away from us is not going to help any of us." Her voice was hoarse and her words slower than her usual fast paced tone. I felt bad for her, though her words got on my nerves. "I also came to give you this." She handed me a manila envelope. It had no address on it, just my name in blocky letters. For a second my curiosity over came the sadness, then immediately went right back.

"Thanks Alice. I'm just…tired" I replied. She nodded understandingly then turned towards the door.

"Just remember, you're not the only one who lost someone Edward, we're all here for you." Then she stepped out of the room, shutting my door silently.

I stared at the envelope in my hand. I had no idea what was inside it. I wasn't expecting mail; I mean who sends mail anymore anyways? Once again my curiosity got the best of me and I opened it up.

Inside there was a map of town, on it were a bunch of tiny Xs. I stared at the Xs and tried to make a connection. I got nothing from them.

I flipped it over and saw a letter in handwriting I knew all too well:

Dear Edward,

I sent this to you because I did something horrible. Something completely unforgivable and you have every right to hate me for it. I'm sorry for doing this to everyone, but I'm especially sorry for doing this to you. You were always a good friend to me and I'm so, so sorry that it had to turn out this way. That being said I want you to follow this map, because I know that you are probably wondering why I did this. And for me to properly explain that I need you to follow the Xs, to be in these places while I tell you my side. First go to the park, in the toy shed there should be an envelope just like this one. You just might have to do some breaking and entering. I'm sorry again, I hope this will help you forgive me.

Love,

Bella

I never thought I'd ever hear from her again, it was like having a piece of her again if I went to the places and read more of her letters.

I grabbed my coat and car keys and rushed out of my room. I hurried past my family towards the front door.

"Where are you going Edward?" My mom called after me

"To meet up with an old friend"


End file.
